I feel sad for myself. I feel sad and terribly annoyed with the Yanzhu I am now. What kinda freaking life are you leading? I hate the way you are evolving into a lifeless soul living in a shell of plastic smiles and insincere laughters. Why am i even wasting time on things and people that don’t mean anything to me at all? Why am i shaping and molding myself into someone that is far from my characteristic self?
Where’s the genuine joy of meeting the same people although i know i meet them everyday? Where’s the hugs and love and care and concern? Where’s the adrenaline rush before heading to do something you really love? Where’s the eagerness and enthusiasm towards daily life and school? im missing people who really has constructive and eye opening comments and advices for you, people who genuinely care about who you are and what you achieve. I miss you, my dear friend Lemuel, for always being the Mr wise uncle around, taking the initiative to find out what was going through my mind and life, sharing opinions and thoughts or just merely lending a listening ear, With your uncle-like nods and smile, and sharing really insightful and brilliant school of thoughts.I really miss your morning greetings for each and everyone of us,which truly brightens up the morning and make the rest of the day less intolerable. You never fail to make me realize how dense and childish i am sometimes and make me wake up and mature through your conversations. You make me think and reflect and follow my heart, which is exactly what i am lacking of, so badly now in the life im leading. I have no idea why i mention you here, but not as if you’ll visit, cause no one knows of this place. But you’re such a dear and amazing friend in my life that i could never bear to forget.
oh boy, how much i have digressed.
I have no idea why i am still hung up on this place that i know will eventually mean nothing to me. This isnt a place for me. I’m clinging onto this place so tight despite hating it, over a special reason i hope i will not lose sight of, and i hope i do not lose myself because of this.
There’s so many thoughts and memories and regrets and angst going through my mind.
I miss my horn and my music. I miss the joys of creating a wonderful magical piece of masterpiece with like-minded people.
Here I am, feeling weak and gloomy, while you’re somewhere else. Bet you don’t even remember that i wasn’t feeling well the whole day. Should i even wait for you to come back? Think i shouldn’t
