Each day i hope for the better.
That you’ll understand me more with every argument and unhappiness we have.
But sadly over and over again, its just me getting angry and upset, you trying to pacify..wait not even trying. But just waiting for me to get appeased and things go back to where they were again. No change. Nothing. Just my emotions running wild the whole time apparently.
Its so tiring. To work this out with you now. i’m getting really tired of getting unhappy more than once a day. And it happens every single day.
Where did all the genuine happiness go to? I cant help but really feel so one sided in this relationship.
There are times where I really wanna just say out every single thing in my mind and voice every unhappiness out. But i always realised there was no point in doing so. Because you do not understand and you always disregards the things i say. And you never bother to try to change things to even try to make me feel happier. All you can attribute these is due to the fact that we see each other everyday. It pains my heart to hear such ridiculous comments from you. But i have no idea since when, my heart has just been numb to it already. But i still cringe whenever you say that.
I’ve always been trying to search for the past feelings we both had for each other. but why am i the only one searching for it? I really hate how things are now. I always look back at pictures we took and smile to myself. As i scroll and scroll, I realised we have no more pictures of us in recent times. I remember how you used to sneak pictures of me randomly everyday. Now? I have no idea what we are doing… All you can think of is academics and more academics and how you can squeeze time of every single day to just study.
You used to surprise me with drinks and little snacks during lecture. You used to buy me flowers randomly. You used to give me more than i need. You used to….. All the unhappiness I’m feeling is clouding the images of the past.And this makes it even worse for me.
You no longer know what i want and what i need. You no longer put in effort to make things to make me happy. You no longer treat me like how you did in the past. And you always disregard me. You like to always walk ahead with the goal in your mind and never once turning back to look at me. Never. And i always remember that feeing of you just walking away at so many circumstances when i needed you. Maybe you dont even realise it yourself.
I used to think we were a really special couple. but i have no idea where the sparks went. Sparks don’t just appear with a stone, but rather, two. And if one stone keeps trying to create sparks by itself, sooner or later, she’ll wear and tear till she’s gone.
