Being together means always being happy. And when the happy element is diminsing or non existant, there’s no point in being together.
I’m losing my drive , faith and determination to hang on.
Every single effort and attempt to bring us closer and back to where we used to be are futile or blatantly rejected by you in my face.
You never put in effort to appease me, you never put in effort to make situations right, you never dare face up to circumstances and solve it. Probably, you don’t even understand where and what went wrong.
Things and problems don’t just automatically resolve and disappear by itself. Keeping silent and hoping things will become better doesn’t work at all. In fact, it just makes things worst. I have no idea and probably have lost track of how many times i’ve told you that things dont just resolve by itself. I’m getting fucking sick and tired of you and your mishandling of situations and me.
why are you like this? I thought you were more than just that? It’s such a disappointment day after day, the things you do… or rather don’t do.
Seriously, what kinda guy who loves a girl, would push the girl away when she leans over to kiss you?!?! What is a relationship when the guy never ever takes the initiative to pull the girl for a kiss? Which guy who’s in love with a girl, never initates a kiss until a girl asks for it!? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!
You have no idea, how much dignity, pride and face I’ve laid down for you, but only to be rejected or unappreciated by you. I’ve never ever thought that I would be in a relationship where I have to be the one who’s contributing more and always the initiating whatsoevers, when the male is supposed to be the party doing that. I really don’t know what’s going on with you and us. I tried to put it behind me, whatever that happened yesterday. But i simply can’t do it. Everytime i think about how many times you’ve rejected my love and me, i just cringe and i just wanna walk away from you. I could’nt even stand the presence of you by my side, sleeping with me. I feel like a mega prostitute, always giving everything i have to you but its up to your whims and fancy to decline or accept it. It feels like I’ve lost my dignity through and through, trampled on by you over and over again with the uncountable times you’re hurt my feelings. Seriously, why have you become a guy like this?!
I used to be proud of having a boyfriend like you, where you used to be so thoughtful, attentive and loving to me, wherever and whenever. I used to look at couples, and silently say to myself ‘ i think my boyfriend is way better’.
But to my very deepest regrets, I am the one who’s looking at couples and being envious of them now. How their boyfriends are bold and daring to show his love for her in public (without being too indecent), How their boyfriends hold and look at the girl like she’s the only one for him forever, How they look at her and talk to her like she’s a princess. I think back of the way you treat me and how you look at me or dont look at me or just everything that you did. I feel sad for myself. Seriously, i always try to picture myself as a third party, looking at us. We seriously do not even act like a couple at times. Why did everything you used to do go? You used to check your phone so frequently i know that you will always be there to reply my messages or attend to my needs whenever i need your help. Look at yourself now. You only checked your phone when you are bored and only then you’ll realised i actually texted you for help/anything. You only check your phone to check whatapp. What ever happened to “you’ll always be my first priority?” , ” i’ll always be there for you”. UTTER BULLSHIT. You’re a mega big fat liar. You’re going behind all your promises you made to me in the past.
I dont know what to say about you. I love you but I really hate the way you manage our relationship. I hate the way you avoid issues, I hate the way you are afraid to face up to situation, I hate the way you always think keeping silent will resolve problems. I hate the way you treat me and disregard me and my presence. I hate the way you reject and decline me.
You know, I really don’t see why you are still hanging on to this relationship when you don’t even treat me or act like i’m your girlfriend. I really hate to say this.. But if you’re gonna remain this way, I really think I deserve better….
I’m so so so tired. I can’t even be bothered to argue with you and talk to you because i know you’re gonna give me the same answer or same silence again. You know what, tit for tit,tat for tat. I’m giving up. I’m not going to put in any more efforts and overdose of emotions into this screwed up relationship of ours. Probably, hardening my heart and closing the windows to it will just make things easier for me.
I admire the girls in gossip girl, how they are bold enough to face up to their feelings. How courageous they are to fight for their own happiness and better love that they truly deserve.
